Stooping to a Newer Lower

Well, I'm back. After some extensive online polling and wikki'ing I discovered that, not only would Cloud totally beat up Snake, but that most people consider it lower to have a successful updated blog than an outdated one. I've finally done some soul searching and looked into my heart and decided that I want to start up my blog again and try to keep filling it with content about my down-trodden life. Over the past few months I've been in a place so low that even I'm ashamed. I'm of course talking about that dark hole, the ultimate low, The Omega Void!!!

Googling "omega void" might lead you to believe that I'm talking about an online point and click game, but The Omega Void (or TOV) came to me in a fever dream when I was twelve. I had just finished reading a couple chapters in a Xanth novel (I'm not sure which novel it was but I'm pretty sure it fell between A Spell for Chameleon and Night Mare, but I know for a fact it wasn't Castle Roogna, trust me) where the main character had asked some witch girl to marry him through the use of some sexual pun. The witchling's father finds out about his proposal and voices his complaints about them with a shocked yet sexual pun. Seems pretty harmless, but when coupled with the fever-addled brain of a chubby twelve-year-old the by-product of Xanth and sleepiness was a dream portal which allowed me to glimpse TOV!!!

To visualize TOV I want you to think of that black sphere that powerd the ship in the movie Event Horizon. No, you're thinking about the golden sphere from Sphere. I'm talking about that movie with the guy from Jurrasic Park. Yeah the main dude not the guy from The Fly or that snake movie, yup, that guy! Ok, so TOV is kind of like that sphere only that it appears at first to be completely white. It then slowly begins to turn black like the waxing of the moon (only from top to bottom) until the entire sphere is black, and at the exact moment that it completely turns black the father from that Xanth novel exclaims, "You're getting married??" Never have I been so filled with fear like the times that I saw TOV turn completely black over and over again in my mind. I woke up sweating and wondering who put sticky glue in my bed.

So, now ten years later I've finally told the world exactly what TOV looks like, but what is it exactly? Ok, here goes: The Omega Void is simply the place where any and all creative ideas go when they are not written down.

Have you ever thought of a hilarious STD joke while you are trying to sleep only to have completely forgotten it the next morning, and they you curse yourself and the gods for not having a pen and pad by your bed and wonder if they put sticky glue in your bed? Well I had plenty of pens and pads and all sorts of gizmos and whatzits near me and I still out of pure laziness decided not to write them down. The Omega Void has been sucking the creative life out of me for the past seven months. I did manage to draw some comics (that I plan on posting) and I have written down ideas for t-shirts, but if I don't share them with my fellow Blogosphere inhabitants how on Earth am I going to get comments?

So I'm back and I'm going to take you down a new and exciting ride through my life. If you were wondering where the amusement ride analogy was well wonder no more, because you are about to go down the wildest water slide of your life. Ever been to White Water in Atlanta? Well next to the Gulf Creamer is a ride my brother and I deemed Black Baby Splash Down. You sit in a tube and plumet through a covered, pitch black tube. Here's where the creative spin comes in because before you are two paths; one leads to The Omega Void, it's the easy path, it's the path you like taking because it lets you play Warcraft and jack off sad and alone in your room with no outside contact; AND THEN there is another path, a path that when taken leads you to something new and exciting--a pit filled with black infants. You do what is only natural and you scream in the most high pitched voice you can muster so that all the people at the bottom will think you are a scared little girl. But what comes out of that dark tube? An out-of-shape white guy in his early twenties. Those people are going to laugh and they are going to comment about it on your blog. And that's a good, good feeling.