4 portraits of 4 wonderful women.

1.
Well I'm sure all of you are wondering just what happened to that girl who read my blog and was so disgusted that she never wanted to see me again. Well I emailed her and waited and waited and waited. My F5 key is totally worn down and you can't read it at all anymore, but finally I got a response. Not in my email though instead it was on the wonderful website Facebook. Now normally I wouldn't check facebook because I'm not at school at Duke anymore and I think I shouldn't support a site that doesn't support my beautiful Technical College, but my friend Danny D told me that there was this hot young dotty that I needed to poke. And what do you know I had a message waiting for me. Finally some answers!

Nope. Just some round about e-talk asking me to call her if I wanted answers like it was some crazy unanimous tip to the police. I was expecting to have to meet her down at Pier 7 with $10,000 in unmarked bills just to figure out what exactly disturbed her so much. But listen, I don't need answers anymore because I've already thought up of plenty of hypothetical answers to why that are probably much more entertaining, such as: You were disturbed by my sentence structure, you were disgusted by my lack of 1980's TV show references, you felt sick when you read that I had spelled it griffon and not gryphon. I guess I'll never know.

I've given up the phone for good though and all other forms of communication that don't involve the prefixes e- or blog-. Of course you could just hop on my WoW Vent. Server if it's that important to talk directly. We'll be raiding BWL next Tuesday and I can try to find a spot. Just go to the Silver Hand Realm Forums and check out our thread for info on the addy. And no, you can't roll on the phat purplez.

2.
Next up is my Mom. It's bad enough that she has to read this blog and hear about all this horrible stuff, but now random people are emailing her about how concerned they are for me. I don't really get this. My Mom is a great woman and has no influence on the content of this blog and I feel bad that she has to be linked to me through it. So I've had to take down some information regarding my location/name etc. I love her a lot and I don't want this to cause her any grief (not sarcasm). Thanks for everything, Mom and sorry about all the masturbation.

3.
This next girl is a real bitch! LITERALLY. I'm talking about Snickers, of course, the cute little fluffy mutt that I've been watching when I house-sat last week and who I'll get to play with again when I house sit some more in a little while. Snickers is your average yippy little rascal with a heart full of gold (and hopefully not worms!). She's playful and very protective and I doubt I would have survived this one night had she not alerted me to the presence of a robber in the house the other night. Her barking gave me the advance notice I needed to escape, and when I returned later fearing the worse (that the household goods had been taken) I was delighted to see Snickers feasting away on the corpse of that nasty old burglar. She even helped me dig a shallow grave for him.

Anyway, let's get serious. The point of this portrait is awareness. I believe that Snickers is afflicted with... a weak sphincter. She'll try really hard to poo poo and half of the time it just won't make it all the way and it gets stuck in the hairs on her backside. It's really hurting her cuteness. I'd do something about it but I'm no veterinarian and I'd be afraid I'd rip an artery or something else sphincter related, so if any of my readers are animal doctors please drop me some advice. Everyone else is welcome to donate to my Save Snickers' Sphincter Fund by paypalling me like $50 bucks or something.

4.
Lastly, I'd like to just jot a quick blurb to this girl I've had the pleasure of taking out on a few dates (she will remain nameless and faceless so to protect her from the blog-hungry vultures that feast on gossip). Ever since 1st Grade when I was kicked in the balls by a different girl (who's name was Hailey Slocker, what a bitch) I realized that I'd have plenty of run-ins with girls who could kick my ass. I'm not proud of it, I'm just really weak.

Anyway this girl is an ex-ECW wrestler chick who actually held the Championship Belt for awhile. I met her at a Wrestling Expo and we hit it off. LITERALLY! She actually hit me in the face, but it turned out awesome. Since then she's beaten me in all types of wrestling (arm, leg, ear, etc) and she's a blood thirsty pool shark. She's torn up my DDR mats while showing off her skills to me. She can eat faster, climb harder, and dance better than me by far.

Also she's real pretty and I think she's got a great new haircut. I like her a lot and I think as long as she can deal with my horrible past that we'll get along fine. I'm writing this post from the hospital because she broke my jaw when she gave me a good night kissu and I gotta say that I have never hurt so good.

***
Anyway, I'd feel like I betrayed my readers if I left off on a high note like that so I'll give you this week's Tetris Update a little early. Last night I played for about 2 hours on one game and finally broke the 999 line mark. I stopped at about 1020 lines total (lvl 103) after my hand was cramped and I became really sleepy. My score was 2,542,379 which more than doubled my last previous high score. I think I can go much longer if I just work on my hand endurance. Well on that note I'm off to read some Neal Stephenson novels and I'll hope to get a pic of the Tetris score later so I can prove it. God, that will be sad.