The Hippogryphs and the Space Bees
I'm having such a wonderful time writing this blog and reading all of your amazing comments so far. I think my mood is being augmented a little by the fact that I'm currently masturbating as I type this entry (the latest ADC-Elite fansub of One Piece came out today and the camera lingered on Nami's cleavage for a few too many frames and I couldn't help myself). Anyway, as I work on my one-handed wpm score I'll relate to you my love of Blogging thus far.
To me blogging is like being on the wings of the Millenium Falcon as it speeds into hyperdrive. There is nothing in the world more on the edge of science and progress than the blog-scene. I feel that in our not too distant future the entire Galaxy will be connected together not by a sense of Universal Fraternity but by a sense of wanting to read up on each other's day-to-day lives. Thank Zod for Blogs! If I want to check up on my buddy Tremvlsztaxi-*'s livejournal about how much gas he's consumed out of a pourous ice-pod half a zillion light years away then I'll just do it. I got that thing that updates via my cell phone when my friends add new posts to their LJ's. And further more--hoo, ok, hold that thought while I finish up my jerkin' session real quick.
Damn, that was a good one, I'm feeling that Galactic Euphoria I always feel when... oooo well, hello more cum! Geez, you'd think that'd be enough but--ohhhhh ok, there goes some more. Call me Ol' Faithful haha lol... Oh god, seriously now. There is blood coming out with the semen... And what the fuck is that?
"Tremvlsztaxi-*? Is that you? What are you doing in my penis?"
Through the power of mind talk Tremvlsztaxi-* says nothing and continues to devour the penis that he's been living in, as is the customary love-making practices of his people. Life seems to be going on as usual on the planet Orgasminga.
Cut! That's a wrap, boys!
Did you like that little scene? If you are like me then your hand is down your pants and you are already stimulating whatever kind of balls you have. If you aren't ringin' one out right now then you are either from China or you're my parents or principals and you need to Stop reading my blog and butting into my life! I'm mature for my age and if you don't want to get van-burned then you'll get your noses out of my biz-nass! Anyway, what I did in the first part of today's entry is what I like to call the BATE and SWITCH method of writing Sci Fi stories. And today's new low is an old favorite of mine:
Masturbating to Science Fiction or Fantasy Novels
We've all done it. We've all done it for years. Every Scholastic SF/Fantasy book you'd buy in those catalogs were filled with half-hidden sex references that would have me whipping out my little-boy weenie and going to town in a futile attept at pleasuring myself. Why? Because no one can resist tritely written erotica that's been nestled between the cold steel buns of a Space Opera or LotR knockoff. Try to read through Ender's Game without getting hard! I double dare you.
I've been jerking off (and actually cumming) to Scifi and Fantasy novels for ten years now at least 3 times a day. That's around ELEVEN THOUSAND ejaculations. Now let's say that one sock holds about 20 ejaculations (roughly the amount of 2 and a half poops), then that means I've gone through approximately 550 socks. That's around 100 packs of new socks that I've bought at about $6.50 per pack (which would be 650 dollars) just for the clean up of my own unborn swarm. [Because I'm not some monster who will wear a sock after it's been cummed in regardless of how many wash cycles it's been through.] Thanks, authors! You really know how to make a guy buy socks.
We all know that regular erotica can go choke on a fat load for all we care. There's something about mundane sex stories set in the real world that makes my p-due go beeeeeewwoooooooop. I need to first use my suspension of disbelief to really get into a magical fantasy tale, I then have to love the characters and really care about the plot, AND THEN I want that to all come crashing down into a huge ol' sex romp between a robot and a griffon. That gets me (and America) off. Wondering if whether the sex partner you are reading about is really a robot, or maybe it's a griffon in human form, and then wondering if whether they are faking orgasm with advanced AI or with magic--that's what it takes to write good erotica.
I've masturbated to hundreds of stories in my time and don't think I'm some uptight traditionsalist who only jerks it to the classics. Just the other day I was in Calculus class and I had to go to the bathroom and wank it because this graph looked like two dudes humping. And last Christmas when the Lutheran Church performed their XXX Nativity scene I was there wiping myself up with a spare sheep hat. That's thinking outside of Schrodinger's catbox. I mean sure I've splooged over some of the greats: Tolkein, Card, Delany, heck even some of that queer Bradbury stuff. But like I said I'm a man who looks to the future. I won't be able to get off on to those dusty old tomes for too much longer once the aliens come and burn all our literature. That's why I think Blogs are the future, because they can't get dusty and their pages can't get stuck together with semen.
To me blogging is like being on the wings of the Millenium Falcon as it speeds into hyperdrive. There is nothing in the world more on the edge of science and progress than the blog-scene. I feel that in our not too distant future the entire Galaxy will be connected together not by a sense of Universal Fraternity but by a sense of wanting to read up on each other's day-to-day lives. Thank Zod for Blogs! If I want to check up on my buddy Tremvlsztaxi-*'s livejournal about how much gas he's consumed out of a pourous ice-pod half a zillion light years away then I'll just do it. I got that thing that updates via my cell phone when my friends add new posts to their LJ's. And further more--hoo, ok, hold that thought while I finish up my jerkin' session real quick.
Damn, that was a good one, I'm feeling that Galactic Euphoria I always feel when... oooo well, hello more cum! Geez, you'd think that'd be enough but--ohhhhh ok, there goes some more. Call me Ol' Faithful haha lol... Oh god, seriously now. There is blood coming out with the semen... And what the fuck is that?
"Tremvlsztaxi-*? Is that you? What are you doing in my penis?"
Through the power of mind talk Tremvlsztaxi-* says nothing and continues to devour the penis that he's been living in, as is the customary love-making practices of his people. Life seems to be going on as usual on the planet Orgasminga.
Cut! That's a wrap, boys!
Did you like that little scene? If you are like me then your hand is down your pants and you are already stimulating whatever kind of balls you have. If you aren't ringin' one out right now then you are either from China or you're my parents or principals and you need to Stop reading my blog and butting into my life! I'm mature for my age and if you don't want to get van-burned then you'll get your noses out of my biz-nass! Anyway, what I did in the first part of today's entry is what I like to call the BATE and SWITCH method of writing Sci Fi stories. And today's new low is an old favorite of mine:
Masturbating to Science Fiction or Fantasy Novels
We've all done it. We've all done it for years. Every Scholastic SF/Fantasy book you'd buy in those catalogs were filled with half-hidden sex references that would have me whipping out my little-boy weenie and going to town in a futile attept at pleasuring myself. Why? Because no one can resist tritely written erotica that's been nestled between the cold steel buns of a Space Opera or LotR knockoff. Try to read through Ender's Game without getting hard! I double dare you.
I've been jerking off (and actually cumming) to Scifi and Fantasy novels for ten years now at least 3 times a day. That's around ELEVEN THOUSAND ejaculations. Now let's say that one sock holds about 20 ejaculations (roughly the amount of 2 and a half poops), then that means I've gone through approximately 550 socks. That's around 100 packs of new socks that I've bought at about $6.50 per pack (which would be 650 dollars) just for the clean up of my own unborn swarm. [Because I'm not some monster who will wear a sock after it's been cummed in regardless of how many wash cycles it's been through.] Thanks, authors! You really know how to make a guy buy socks.
We all know that regular erotica can go choke on a fat load for all we care. There's something about mundane sex stories set in the real world that makes my p-due go beeeeeewwoooooooop. I need to first use my suspension of disbelief to really get into a magical fantasy tale, I then have to love the characters and really care about the plot, AND THEN I want that to all come crashing down into a huge ol' sex romp between a robot and a griffon. That gets me (and America) off. Wondering if whether the sex partner you are reading about is really a robot, or maybe it's a griffon in human form, and then wondering if whether they are faking orgasm with advanced AI or with magic--that's what it takes to write good erotica.
I've masturbated to hundreds of stories in my time and don't think I'm some uptight traditionsalist who only jerks it to the classics. Just the other day I was in Calculus class and I had to go to the bathroom and wank it because this graph looked like two dudes humping. And last Christmas when the Lutheran Church performed their XXX Nativity scene I was there wiping myself up with a spare sheep hat. That's thinking outside of Schrodinger's catbox. I mean sure I've splooged over some of the greats: Tolkein, Card, Delany, heck even some of that queer Bradbury stuff. But like I said I'm a man who looks to the future. I won't be able to get off on to those dusty old tomes for too much longer once the aliens come and burn all our literature. That's why I think Blogs are the future, because they can't get dusty and their pages can't get stuck together with semen.
posted by Matty at 9:31 PM
3 Comments:
Is your clandestine intent to make the reader come at least ten times per entry? If so, well, your master plan is.. is working. *GULP*
I'm waiting for some nerd to chime in with "The Millenium Falcon doesn't have wings! dah-duuurrrrrrr!"
Actually, what I meant to say is that YOUR BLOG DISGUSTS ME AND WE SHAN'T BE SPEAKING ANYMORE YOU FILTHY ANIMAL!
Very Interesting
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