A Procrastination Story

A year ago I was taking a Creative Writing class at Greenville Tech (College that Works). Now, I wrote some stuff in that class that I'm pretty proud of that have no place in a blog, which are traditionally set aside for shitty poems about hating your parents. If you want to read any of the stuff I wrote that I consider "cool" then drop me a line online and I'll send them to you.

No, this is a story, not about creativity but about lack of productivity.

For our final Portfolio I had to have completed four poems and two pieces of short fiction. My one short story (a scifi thriller) was pretty long and needed revising. I didn't revise it. I touched up a couple of pieces I thought were pretty solid and word-shitted out some peer reviews that I hadn't done earlier in the semester. I had taken a poem that I wrote (in a very emotional state which I might talk about next post) my senior year of high school and revamped it for the final project. All in all putting this whole thing together hadn't taken much time at all and when I did a check off of all the things I needed I came up one poem short.

Now, I had plenty of time to write out a poem and make a fake revision of it but, in typical Matty fashion, I decided to waste my time staring at a web browser or something. I probably played Advance Wars: Dual Strike for the 100 millionth time. Honestly, I don't remember what I filled up that valuable work time with. I do remember that eventually as dawn approached I was in dire need of a poem.

Here is what I did. I fished up a copy of an old thread from Otakubooty that I had posted in about two years prior. The topic of this thread? SUPER SMASH BROS. HAIKU. Yes, haiku(s?) regarding the Nintendo fighting game Super Smash Bros. Melee. I copied and pasted all of my (no, I didn't plagiarize) old haiku from that thread into a Word Document, formated, and saved. Needless to say (considering the scrutiny of my school's grading criteria) I got an A on the whole project.

Here for you all now are the haiku (and the limerick epilogue) I submitted for a final project in an upper level English class at our Community College. Enjoy!

***

she sternly gazes
at Sealab, destroyed, but still
Yoshi or Young Link?

Oh shit, I’m Kirby.
Damage two hundred per cent
Where’s Mr. Saturn?

Queen of sleep and dreams
Sing your sexy lullaby
Ready for down-B?

shall I pull the sword,
or remain forever young?
and not have sword pulled.

Ugh I feel so sick.
What do you prescribe, Doctor?
"Me kicking your ass."

IM BOWSER RARRR RARRR
FIRE FIRE MAIM BITE FIRE PRINCESS
RARRR RARRR RARRR RARRR RARRR

Pokefloats. Wait...what?
No really, what is this shit?
Good God, what the fuck?

Two hundred ninety...
Where the hell is the last one?
Childhood wasted.

Mushroom missed the point.
Mario missed the Mushroom.
Look out, Mario!

Pink stain on the ground
Reminds me of Pink Yoshi.
Come back to me, Yosh!

My pink Yoshi hat-
Glowing beacon in the dark.
Young Link understands.

***

Haikus aren't the cool way to post,
But believe me I'm not here to boast.
Although mine were better
Straight down to each letter,
You've all killed the art to a ghost.

I needed to make something quite fresh;
Haikus reek of old Bangladesh.
And since I'm the wiser
Gimmick fertilizer
I decided to give the art new flesh.